When You Were Mine
by upthenorthmountain
Summary: Modern AU, British, angsty
1. Chapter 1

"Kristoff?"

The door into the house had opened - a brief burst of sound and light from the party, still in full swing - then shut again. Heels tapped on the path, accompanied by the voice of the one person he least wanted to see. The person he most wanted to see.

"I'm fine, Anna. Go back inside."

"You're not fine." She walked round in front of him and put her hands on her hips. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Not really a party person, I guess."

"I know that. But I'm not an idiot, Kris. I saw your face."

"It's just - harder than I thought it would be."

"What is?"

"Being your friend."

He was worried he was going to have to explain, but he could see from her face that she understood. Anna looked at her hands. The diamond on her left ring finger caught the light and glittered for a second.

"I shouldn't even be here," he said. "I should go. I don't know why I came. I just - wanted to see you, I suppose."

"I'm glad you came," she replied. "I am. But - I know what you mean. I thought we could be friends, I thought...I thought it had been long enough, you know? Four years. Nearly five. We were so young."

"We were adults."

"Just about."

Not too young to fall in love, he thought. Just too young to realise what they had, that it was worth fighting for.

Anna looked away, back at the house. She was twisting her hands together, fingers catching on her ring, lost in thought.

"Go back inside," Kristoff said. "He'll be wondering where you are. Don't worry about me."

She ignored him. "I think…." she said, her voice shaking slightly, "I think your first love is so intense, you know, and I think - I don't think those feelings ever really go away." She looked back up at him. "And I _do_ worry about you. I think about you - all the time." Anna twisted the ring on her finger again. "John said yesterday, that I mention you a lot. I'm trying to stop."

Kristoff realised he must have pulled a face, because Anna said "You'd like him if you got to know him."

"Would I?"

"He's not a bad man…"

"Is that all you can say?"

"What?"

"You're going to marry him! And is that all you can say about him, he's not a _bad_ man?"

"I don't know, Kristoff!" She threw up her hands. "I don't know! When I said yes, I meant it, I was sure, or I thought I was - then we move back here and I see you again and the more I see you, the less sure I am, and the more I think that maybe four years ago when I left Arundel I made the biggest mistake of my life -"

She was right in front of him now, tears in her eyes, face almost pleading.

"I know I did," he said softly, "When I didn't go with you."

"You know I would never have asked you to do that."

"You shouldn't have had to. Anna….all this time, and I've just thought, well, everyone has regrets, everyone has things they wish they'd done differently, but then when I first saw you - first saw you again, last month - and you smiled at me, and all I could think was…."

"Was what?" Anna said after a minute.

"Was - oh, _fuck_. Because I knew you were engaged and I knew it was too late. And I knew. I knew I still loved you."

He hadn't meant to say that last sentence out loud. He already felt he was being unfair to her. This was her birthday party, for goodness sake, and he was upsetting her and confusing her. But Anna didn't look shocked at his words; mostly she looked sad, and tired.

"So what now?" she said.

"Now - I go home. And you go back inside. And - I don't come round here again, and you don't ring me again, and…"

"And you go off by yourself and be miserable?"

"That's not your problem."

Anna started to say something, then stopped. Behind them, the back door of the house was flung open. "Anna! There you are! Come on, we need to do your cake!"

By the time she turned back round to Kristoff, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

It was surprisingly easy to avoid someone, even when they lived in the same town as you. With a small amount of effort, Kristoff was able to not talk to Anna for nearly three years.

She rang him a few times. He didn't answer; and told himself that was why he kept her number in his phone, so that he would know not to. One time she rang quite late at night, and he learnt later that it was the night before her wedding. She didn't ring again after that.

But then one evening he was walking home after a drink in the pub with a friend, and saw a forlorn figure sitting in a doorway.

"Anna?"

She looked up. "Oh, hi," she said vaguely. "Have you seen Alison?"

"Alison?"

"We were - out." Anna pulled herself to her feet, leaning on the wall. "An' Alison has my bag, with my phone, because - because she does. When I drink she has my phone. But. I came outside because I thought I was gonna be sick but I was NOT so that's good but now I can't find her and I don't have my phone. An' I'm tired and I want to go home."

"I think that's probably a good idea." Anna was having difficulty standing, and after a minute she gave up and sat down again. "Jesus, did you have a whole drink all to yourself? What's her number, I'll phone her for you."

Anna blinked at him. "I had lots of drinks," she said solemnly. "Because freedom, yay." Then she burst into tears.

The staying-out-of-Anna's-life-is-for-the-best met a solid wall of being completely unable to leave a drunk, crying woman alone in the town centre at night. He sat down next to her.

"Anna, tell me who can I ring. Can you remember - John's number?"

"John don' care. John -" she waved a hand - "with what's-her-face."

"What?"

She held up her bare left hand. "Freedom, yay. Final. Today. Not married to John any more. Where's my bag, does Ali have it?"

"Yes. Come on, I'll take you home." He stood, and pulled Anna to her feet. She clung to his arm, and stroked it with her other hand in a vaguely friendly way. "...where do you live?"

Anna looked thoughtful. "S'mwhere new. Alison knows."

Kristoff swore under his breath at the mysterious Alison. "Do you know how to get there?"

Anna hesitated. "No."

His own flat was round the corner. And it was cold, and starting to spot with rain.

"Come on. I'm taking you home with me for tonight."

"Really?"

"Sure." He had a spare room, and in the morning hopefully she'd be able to remember where she lived.

They walked along, slowly.

"D'you know," Anna said after a minute, "Why Ali has my phone when I'm drink. Drunking. Pissed."

"No."

"So I don't ring you." She laughed. "But here you are anyway! Tha's funny."

They walked on a bit more. "D'vorced now, anyway," Anna continued. "So doesn't matter. I can go home with Kristoff if I want. Up to me."

"That's not what I meant, when I said I was taking you home."

Anna winked at him. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that it used up all her available physical coordination, and she nearly tripped over her own feet.

The first thing Anna saw the next morning was a stuffed reindeer. It was familiar in a comforting way, and she just looked at it drowsily for a while before remembering something - that was Kristoff's reindeer, from when he was little.

So this must be Kristoff's bed. Why the HELL was she in Kristoff's bed?

A quick personal inventory showed that she still had all her clothes on, except her shoes, which had been put neatly on the floor by the wall. There was no one else here, and it didn't look like there had been, and in fact it didn't look like this room was slept in much at all - it was very bare. So she was in Kristoff's guest room, which was slightly less alarming.

So.

She'd gone out drinking with Alison because the divorce was final, and Alison had said they needed to celebrate her freedom! And Anna had just really wanted to get drunk because seriously, divorced at twenty-five? That was a whole new level of fucking up, even for Anna. And she knew, really, that it was the marriage that had been the bad, wrong thing, and the divorce was the good, right thing, but still. Alcohol. And Alison had been flirting with some bloke and Anna had drunk too much too quickly and felt sick, but the fresh air had made her feel better, and she would have thought she'd imagined running into Kristoff if she wasn't apparently in his home right now.

She could hear the television in the other room. Slowly, Anna eased out of the bed and picked up her shoes.

Kristoff was sitting on the sofa, watching television and playing with the remote. He looked up immediately when Anna came in.

"Morning," he said. "How's your head?"

"Fine. Well, I'll do. It's my own fault." She sat down next to him. "Listen - thank you. For, you know. Not just leaving me there."

"You know I couldn't do that. Can you remember where you live, now?"

Anna pulled a face, and sat back to rest her head on the cushions. "I haven't been there long, we only just sold the house."

"You're really divorced?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. My own fault for marrying him in the first place." Her eyes prickled with tears. "Everything's my fault."

"Don't be silly."

"I thought I'd feel better when it was final, you know? But I don't. It's just, another thing I fucked up. Sorry. Language."

They sat in silence. Anna shifted in her seat and found her hand next to Kristoff's. She slid it a bit further until they were touching.

"So what now?" she said quietly.

"I can drive you home."

"Not what I meant."

He looked at her. He didn't move his hand away. "Anna, your marriage literally just ended."

"On paper. It's been over for a while. John is already living with another woman." She slipped her hand underneath his. He let her. "It never really got started. Because I was too hung up on someone else. Why've you been single all this time, Kris?"

"You know why." He turned back to the television, but his fingers tightened slightly round hers.

"I walked away the first time," Anna said, "and you should have followed. And the second time - last time I saw you - you walked away. And I should have followed _you_."

Kristoff opened his mouth. Anna raised a finger. "I should, and you know it. Saved myself the cost of a wedding and the cost of a divorce two years later."

"You didn't end your marriage for me. You hadn't even spoken to me in years."

"Not exactly. But - how I felt, that night - that's why I shouldn't have married him in the first place. But you left, and I..." She fell silent.

"Maybe we could just agree," Anna said after a few moments, "that we're both idiots, and our timing has been bad, but - we could see if it was worth one more try? Could you ring me, in a couple of days?"

"Yes," he said, "I could do that."

"Promise? You won't talk yourself out of it or decide it's a bad idea? You'll ring me, and we'll go out for dinner or something."

"Promise."

"Okay."

"But right now I'm going to drive you home."

"Okay."

Neither of them moved. Anna leant sideways and rested her head on his shoulder. "I missed you," she said, "so much."

"I missed you too."


End file.
